Taking Control of Your Life: How to Focus on What You Can Control
Life is unpredictable, and often we find ourselves in situations where it feels like everything is out of our hands. Whether it’s challenges at work, family obligations, personal struggles, or unexpected life transitions, the feeling of being out of control can cause immense stress and anxiety. But what if we shifted our focus from the things we can’t control to the things we can? By learning to control what you can, you can start to regain a sense of agency, peace, and balance in your life.
This blog post is for anyone who feels overwhelmed by life’s demands and wants to take the first steps toward reclaiming control over their thoughts, emotions, and actions. We’ll explore why focusing on what you can control is vital for your mental health, how to do it in practical ways, and the transformative impact it can have on your overall well-being.
The Illusion of Total Control
We all strive for control in different ways. It’s human nature to want to feel in charge of our environment, our relationships, and even our future. But the hard truth is that total control is an illusion. Life will throw curveballs—health issues, job changes, family crises—that no amount of planning or preparation can prevent. The more we try to control every aspect of our lives, the more disappointed we become when things don’t go as expected.
That doesn’t mean we’re helpless. Rather, it highlights the importance of distinguishing between what is within our control and what isn’t. “Control what you can” is about understanding that while you can’t change everything around you, you do have power over your own responses, mindset, and actions. And that can make all the difference in how you experience life’s ups and downs.
What You Can’t Control
Before diving into what you can control, let’s acknowledge some common things that are out of our control:
Other People’s Behavior: You can’t control how others act or treat you. You may influence relationships through communication and actions, but you can’t change someone else’s choices.
External Events: Whether it’s a pandemic, a natural disaster, or an unexpected economic downturn, external events often disrupt our plans and lives in ways we can’t prevent.
The Future: While you can plan and prepare for the future, no one can predict with certainty what will happen next.
The Past: No amount of worry, regret, or “what if” thinking can change what has already occurred.
Accepting that these things are beyond your control doesn’t mean giving up. Instead, it’s about freeing yourself from the frustration and energy spent on the impossible, allowing you to direct your focus on areas where you do have control.
What You Can Control
Now that we’ve identified what’s outside of your influence, let’s shift focus to where your true power lies. “Control what you can” becomes empowering when you recognize the parts of life that are within your grasp.
Your Reactions: While you may not control external events, you can control how you react to them. This includes your emotional responses, actions, and even your thoughts.
Your Attitude: Maintaining a positive or resilient attitude in the face of adversity is one of the most powerful ways to exert control. You may not be able to change the situation, but you can change how you see and respond to it.
Your Self-Care Routine: Taking care of yourself is completely within your control. Whether it’s through exercise, meditation, healthy eating, or setting aside time for rest, self-care helps you manage stress and boost resilience.
Your Boundaries: Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships, work, and other areas of life is a key element of controlling what you can. Boundaries help you protect your energy and emotional well-being.
Your Goals: While you can’t control the outcome of every goal, you can control the effort and steps you take toward achieving them. Setting realistic, achievable goals can give you a sense of direction and purpose.
How to Control What You Can: Practical Tips
Now that we know what you can control, how do you put this mindset into practice? It’s not always easy, especially in times of high stress or when you feel overwhelmed by responsibilities. However, these practical tips can help you start reclaiming control over the parts of life that matter most.
1. Focus on Your Daily Habits
One of the best ways to regain control of your life is by focusing on small, manageable changes in your daily routine. This could be as simple as starting each day with a 10-minute meditation, journaling, or taking a walk outside. These small acts not only help ground you but also remind you that you can choose how you start and end each day.
When you control your habits, you control the direction of your life. Consistent, healthy habits compound over time, creating long-term benefits for both your mental and physical health.
2. Reframe Your Thinking
Mindset plays a huge role in how much control we feel over our lives. Cognitive reframing is a technique that helps you change negative or limiting thought patterns into more empowering ones. For example, instead of thinking, "I can’t handle this challenge," try reframing it as, "This challenge is tough, but I have the skills to manage it."
By changing your inner dialogue, you begin to see situations in a new light, making it easier to navigate difficulties with a sense of empowerment.
3. Practice Mindfulness and Acceptance
Mindfulness is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the current moment. It helps you focus on what’s happening now, rather than worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. By cultivating mindfulness, you begin to notice the difference between what you can control and what you can’t, allowing you to let go of the latter.
Acceptance is another important aspect of mindfulness. It’s about acknowledging the parts of life that are outside of your control and choosing not to fight them. Instead of resisting reality, you accept it as it is and focus your energy on what you can change—your thoughts, actions, and choices moving forward.
4. Set Clear Boundaries
When you overextend yourself or take on responsibilities that don’t belong to you, it’s easy to feel out of control. Setting clear boundaries—whether with friends, family, colleagues, or even yourself—allows you to protect your time and emotional energy.
For instance, if you have a tendency to say “yes” to everything at work, set a boundary to say “no” when your plate is already full. If you’re dealing with someone who constantly drains your energy, establish limits on how much time and emotional investment you offer.
5. Focus on Solutions, Not Problems
When faced with a challenge, it’s easy to get caught up in the problem itself. However, problem-focused thinking often leads to frustration and a sense of helplessness. Instead, adopt a solution-focused mindset. Ask yourself: What can I do about this situation? What small step can I take right now to make a positive change?
By focusing on solutions, you regain a sense of agency and control, even in difficult circumstances.
The Psychological Benefits of Focusing on What You Can Control
Adopting the “control what you can” mindset has a profound impact on your mental health. Here’s how:
Reduced Stress: Trying to control the uncontrollable leads to chronic stress. When you let go of what’s outside your influence, you release a significant amount of mental and emotional strain.
Improved Resilience: When you focus on what you can control, you develop resilience. Life’s challenges become opportunities to grow, rather than insurmountable obstacles.
Increased Empowerment: The realization that you do have control over certain aspects of your life fosters a sense of empowerment. You may not control everything, but what you can control is enough to create meaningful change.
Better Relationships: By setting healthy boundaries and focusing on your own reactions, you improve your relationships. You stop trying to change others and instead work on managing how you interact with them.
Conclusion: Embrace the Power of “Control What You Can”
Taking control of your life starts with a shift in mindset. Instead of expending energy on things you can’t change, redirect your focus to the areas where your actions truly matter. Control what you can—your reactions, your attitude, your habits, your goals, and your boundaries—and you’ll find that life becomes less overwhelming and more manageable.
This doesn’t mean you’ll never face stress, setbacks, or uncertainty. But with this mindset, you’re better equipped to handle life’s inevitable challenges with resilience and strength. When you control what you can, you empower yourself to live a life that’s aligned with your values, goals, and well-being. So, take a deep breath, focus on what’s within your grasp, and start making those small but meaningful changes today.